Waking up today, I was definitely in pain...
My right hand hurts from the arthritis in my pinky finger. Yesterday I had forgot to pop some Tylenol before sparring -- not the greatest of ideas -- so my arthritis was at full force in the evening. My left elbow hurts from protecting my midsection from all those body shots at the Fight Club. My core hurts from an exercise we did at the end where each boxer got to throw 20 body shots at you while you stood open-armed taking them. My head hurts from taking 20 rounds of beatings. Even my left foot toes hurt; they got stepped on a lot during sparring.
And to add insult to injury, apparently I woke up at 6:30am and texted Snickers. I had no recollection of doing this. I texted him once apparently; I demanded he send me Balboa Button.
Apparently I'm getting a dog -- MY dog.
I've been thinking a lot about this, despite what some commenters here believe. How do I pick which dog to fight for and is it even right for me to separate them?! Last night as my exhausted sore body laid flopped out on my bed after my third shower for the day, I pondered all this. Apparently, according to my text, I reached a conclusion. I picked Balboa and, the more I thought about it today, the decision seems right. Because his fat-less little body means he's already been segregated from my other 4 dogs and lives inside the club, he's already used to living alone and inside. A few months ago my roommate and I had discussed getting a dog, we both wanted one, but she wanted a small dog and I wanted a bigger dog. Balboa is a Chihuahua and because of that he's totally perfect for her and because he's already mine he is perfect for me. I get a piece of my old life in Korea and she gets a small dog. When I approached her about it today she was surprisingly so super excited about it but when I showed her a picture of Balboa she screamed out "I want him... I love him already!!!"
So now the custody battle to get Balboa to Canada starts.
Snickers called me today to talk to me about this, me wanting him to send Balboa, but what started off as just us talking about Balboa turned into quite the intense and lengthy conversation. It was as lengthy as it was revealing and it probably was the longest phone conversation I had ever had with him e-v-e-r. And by ever I mean since we first met. The phone conversation was exactly 20 minutes and 39 seconds.
It's an odd thing to wrap your head around, talking to your still-legally-married-husband about the girl he is dating, or was dating apparently. He told me how she was alone and drunk when she texted me, which didn't do much but make me more annoyed. I called her a playgirl and told him that I was fine if he wanted to see other people but if getting remarried and starting a family was his goal than perhaps he shouldn't just pick a pretty face.
I'd like to note something incredible ironic here....
Snickers and his family always pushed the issue of them wanting me to get pregnant and start a family. I wasn't quite a "real woman" because I didn't have a baby. I didn't want a family with Snickers and this is rather ironic because now I am involved in a family here in Toronto, a family of four -- there are three of them and one of me.
Snickers talked about wanting to come to Canada to see me but to also talk to me in person but I urged him not to come here. If anyone is going to go any where it'd be me go to Korea. It'd give me the chance to say my proper farewells and gather my stuff up. We also talked about various members and the numerous successful amateur fights they had. I felt so proud of them and wished he had put something about them and their wins on Facebook.
Talking to Snickers was like nothing bad had happened and in a way it was nice but I could so see myself falling back into my old self if I got swept away in the moment. It's always like this, so good and then so bad. Things would be good, well okay, until they weren't and then it'd be ugly. We'd have our tearful post fight conversation where each of us would say they're sorry and then we'd kiss and makeup. But no sooner did that happen but it'd be the next fight and I'd be arguing that he either had to learn what the English word "sorry" meant or learn a new word because sorry just didn't cut it. It had become this reusable bandaid. I'm so over repeating this cycle over and over again. It's annoying and it's down right stupid and frustrating.
I am happy where I am and with who I am with now. I thought I was happy in Korea and I was, to a certain extent, but I knew things were missing for me. It wasn't until I came to Canada that I realized just how much was missing and to what extent missing parts of things in my life were missing and needed. I miss Snickers, of course, and I love him too, of course. He was the love of my life despite how ugly it got. But I miss myself and I love myself too. I lost myself in Korea and now I feel like I'm finding myself. I'm not the girl that lived Korea anymore. My present self and former self wouldn't even recognize each other at this point.
2 comments:
Has it been decided that you get Balboa? Or is it still up in the air?
It has been decided upon but now am waiting on Snickers to get things prepared on his side for Balboa to fly over. It's a mattwr of being persistant with messaging him over and over about it.
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