I am Steel, I am Stone. I Can Do This!... Saturday, March 19

When he told me this would be my last paycheck my jaw dropped and eyebrows squinted in confusion.  This wasn't my last paycheck because this hadn't been last week of coaching.  Next week would be my last week.  He then said it again, "this is your last paycheck".  I wouldn't be coaching my last week's worth of classes and thus wouldn't be able to say goodbye to my members, many of which I've been training since I came to Canada, over 6 months ago. This was the very man who sat across me at our usual table at our usual post training breakfast diner and said "I wish I had a relationship with my daughter like I do with you" and yet here he was so easily cutting me off and pushing me aside.  I was so very heartbroken.  He wasn't just a coach to me, they never ever are though. 

Wow.

The last thing I said to him was "you are so rude" and then I walked out of the boxing club.  I would have thrown my club sweater in the trash outside of the club if the weather hadn't dropped and I was wearing but only a sweaty tank top underneath.

"I am steel, I am stone.  I can do this."

I just had to get myself home, there I could get upset, yell and scream if I wanted to.

"I am steel, I am stone.  I can do this."

I made it to the subway station entrance when suddenly someone called out my name. "Hey Dead Aim Amy!"  My eyes were all glossy with tears wanting to drop but me fighting them off so I couldn't really make out who was calling me and my head was definitely in a different spot.  I just wasn't mentally there; I was still trying to digest what had happened.  The man called out to me again and then grabbed my elbow.  It was Bob, one of the guys I often visit Monday mornings at McDonald's, after my morning Openbox class.  He and his buddies have made it known that they're fans of me ever since one of them recognised me walking down the street so I usually stop by for a coffee with them and talk to them about boxing and training.

I suppose this sudden and unexpected end couldn't have come at a better time because tonight I had a special event to go to -- St. Patty's Day Rumble at Clancy's Boxing.  I've been training at two clubs for the past few weeks, two clubs that have been very good at training me hard, encouraging me and supporting me.  I've been wanting to give due shout outs to each via social media but have somewhat held off out of respect for the club I was working out but I guess I don't have to worry about that anymore.  So I went to tonight's event fully wanting and willing to post like crazy about being there because I was super stoked to be attending it.

Tonight's Rumble was a great event and I was so very impressed by the fact that it was Clancy's first in-house tournament.  They did a superb job setting up bouts involving boxers from neighbouring clubs and a solid crowd of spectators came out.  There were two female bouts on the card and I was asked to present the boxers with their medals so I was so completely honoured.

My father always tells me to not burn my bridges but someone else once told me that maybe you need to burn a bridge to light the way for a better path.  I didn't burn my bridge today, Coach Brown did, but I am okay with that.  I had an afternoon to wrap my head around it and I broke down in tears over it but I had someone there to pick me up and cheer me up.  It's not the end of the world, I know that but damn it really hurt. Maybe it took this bridge to crash and burn for me to really re-evaluate things and take a leap of faith.  I didn't cross any other bridge, I went against the flow in the creek underneath the bridge and found a different route.  Who needs a bridge anyways when you are a survivor and know how to swim?!  Exactly. I've been through way worse situations that you wouldn't even believe me even if I told you so today's morning drama is just a thing of the past now.  I've hit rock bottom before, stood at death's door but even when it tempted me to open it I picked myself up and survived.  You can't stop a girl like me and you can't break a girl like me.  You can delay me but I'll find another route.  You can break my heart but that's only temporarily.  The scar tissue that forms makes me stronger and I come back even louder and prouder about who I am.  

I am steel, I am stone.  I AM doing this!