I've been thinking a lot these days about just getting up and leaving.
Not returning to Korea but also not staying in Canada -- picking a new country.
To get up and just leave everything and everyone here, start a new adventure, a new life, in a new country where no one knows my name. A place where I can start off fresh. I love Canada, I really do, but it has been a year now since I've arrived and I feel I am no closer to my Second Dream then I was when I first arrived here except for the fact that I now know what my Second Dream is. I think knowing it and not knowing it is just as bad. To know what it is but to feel zillions upon millions of years away from ever achieving it perhaps feels worse than not even knowing what it is I wanted for my Second Dream.
That poet I met late that night in Kensington was right, my Second Dream does echo my first. My first dream was to make Hulk's Boxing and I did that. I was very successful with making it too. It took a lot of blood, sweat and tears to make but I did it and I did it in record time.
I think time is my biggest obstacle here.
In Korea everything works at lightening speed. Everything gets done yesterday. But here in Canada, everything works at a much slower pace. Everything gets done tomorrow. There needs to be a happy medium and maybe I'll find that in another country. Sometimes I wonder if I can milk my Korean mentality of time and use it for my advantage here but most times it just leaves me mentally frustrated and wishing to be back in Korea where I'd be functioning at the speed of everyone else. Here I'm a workaholic but in Korea my long hours and work non stop of my brain is the norm. I stayed up last night until 4am corresponding with a business contact of mine in Korea and he didn't even skip a beat when I told him what time it was. That's Korean business for you, it's non stop.
I want to take Flipside Fitness to the next level in Canada, just like I did in Korea. In Korea the success of Flipside Fitness lead to the creation of Hulk's Boxing and then the success of Hulk's Boxing lead to Hulk's Club. I haven't yet started any social functions for Flipside Fitness here in the North and my boot camps have taken an unexpected turn. I've been getting more people approaching me about personal training as oppose to the boot camps the posting they're responding to advertised. I want to build a community of women here in Toronto, I think there's a need for it and I know even just around the pool where I do my laps in there is a community of women forming there.
I want to build a clubhouse -- a women-only training facility where women train and play, where women attach themselves to and lead on it as a means of support and self development.
I want to build a clubhouse and I know exactly where I want to build it.
I fell in love with this particular space as soon as I saw it but it's definitely roughed up and needing more than just a can of paint. It's a diamond in the rough but it's still a diamond. So I've got the Second Dream in my head and my heart is set on the location, but it's making the dream a physical reality that I'm having problems with. I don't know if I'll either have the means to get it or the permission to have it.
And thus my desire to just leave everything creeps in and reminds me just how much easier it'd be to give up and go. Everyday I'm hustling and I feel like I've been fighting longer than I haven't.
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