A Sad Birthday... Tuesday, February 12

I am blessed but I have my struggles and I have my heartaches.

I'm a pretty positive person and I stay positive because I'm very driven by goals and by my beliefs telling me that I will accomplish such goals, but I'm not supported like most think and believe I am.  

No one from my family has ever visited me in the 14yrs I've lived in the Philippines.

I know no one will ever visit me though I've offered to pay for their plane ticket in the past.

Both my brothers don't know my phone number so they don't call.

Consequently, I don't call them either.  I've created my own family that they know nothing about.

My dad has never called me here in Asia and he doesn't understand or really accept that I rather live here instead of Canada.  He sees my life as unpredictable and unstable because I don't have a steady income, job security, or any kind of retirement fund or plan.  My life doesn't fit the life he envisioned for me.  He doesn't understand it so he doesn't really ask about it and because he doesn't really ask about it, he doesn't really support it.  He knows very little about my life here in the Philippines and I don't know if he even knows my company's name or the name of my boxing club in Korea that I made.

It's heartbreaking.  It's absolutely heartbreaking.

Today was my father's birthday so I called him.  I don't call him much though I know I should but it's hard to know he rather me not be here, not be living somewhere without him, so many miles away.

When I called him, it was almost midnight here in the Philippines but in Canada he was just about to head out the door so our conversation lasted only a few minutes.  I haven't talked to him since probably Christmas, now almost two months ago.    

Honestly, the hardest thing about living in the Philippines isn't the language or cultural barriers or obstacles, it's not even the lack of friends and familiarity because I have made this place familiar to me and can talk to my friends online and through text, it's not having my dad proud of what I'm doing here.  I remember when I was younger, the harshest thing my father ever said to me was that he was disappointed in me.  Him not saying he's proud in me though for the life I've created, the businesses I've made, the Lil' Sista outreach project I've launched, that kind of feels just as harsh if not harsher.