It's Wednesday, I can't believe about half of my week is gone already,... out the door, never to be seen again. Wow. Woozers. Every Sunday I write out 10 goals for the week and though I've accomplished three of them, I feel the anxiety coming on because there's still 7 lingering in the not-so-far back of my head. Never mind it being the middle of the week already, it's already the end of July!!!
Rent is due tomorrow.
Tomorrow I will have been in the clubhouse for 3 months.
And THAT right there, knowing that I've been here already 3 months spurs my anxiety.
Not going to lie, I've dropped way more money that expected and that I'd like to admit on doing renovations and getting furniture and whatnot for the clubhouse. The fourth floor still remains totally naked with nothing more than cleaning done in it and now a dead bug in the shower that's been there since the first month. I killed it while cleaning but hate bugs so killing it was the extent to which I could actually bring myself to dealing with it.
Still no second floor lounge furniture.
Still no doors on my office cabinet yet.
I was on a roll with the boss babe reno crew but then one of them went on vacation and they've been MIA ever since. And so, I'm going to either do the rest of the renovations myself or bribe friends with pizza and drinks to come help me.
I also still have yet to hear back from the Center of Hope regarding my clubhouse assistant position that I proposed for them. It's fine that they're not responding yet because honestly I don't have the money to renovate the back part of my house for a live-in assistant. I have, however, been suggested to use the fourth floor. With three of my Lil' Sistas from my Snail Mail Program having left the Center of Hope, it kind of hit me the other day, these girls are now out there "in the real world". And as much as I know the Center of Hope and the Voice of the Free has prepared them well and remains in contact with them, I can't help but be all that more eager to open up my clubhouse to one of them and further assist the girls as they transition from the Center to "the real world". I really have to think more about this. I can't really afford to do this, financially, but I really want to help these girls.
I know at my lowest time in Korea, I honestly felt no one was there for me. I ran away from Snickers and my boxing club with not really knowing what to do, where to go or who to turn to, and so I walked for hours upon hours the day I ran off. I walked for over eight hours actually and that's the truth. Finally I turned up at my running partners' house and aired my dirty laundry about what was really going on in my relationship and behind closed doors at Hulk's. She was shocked, needless to say, but she was there to support me. It was the first time I honestly felt I wasn't drowning in it all.
I know these girls aren't at their lowest point, they've risen up and are still on the upward rise, but I want them to know that there's someone for them because the truth is they're going through such a huge transitional time in their life. They need to know others are there for them, others care. I do care about these girls and in a sense, when I see them, they remind me of me when I was in Korea. I was all smiles but inside I was hurting and I was drowning. What I would have given to have just one person to be there that wasn't a client or somehow connected to my business. I just needed someone to care, someone to give me a break via being a listening ear.
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